FUNK

I know I wrote last week about loving December and all that and I do. I have just found myself in a funk here and there lately and I know EXACTLY why!!!! It is my lack of Vitamin D! Unlike my hubby who runs to keep off his recently lost weight. I run not only for the health benefits but for the mind and spirit benefits. By NO means am I complaining. I am thankful for every extra pound and ache and pain just so it gets me to a healthy baby and momma at the end. BUT my mind and spirit need to be outside for my run. I can only listen to the same songs on my Ipod so many times. I hear them over and over again. Sure I could load more but UGH!!!! There is just something about letting the sun shine on my face and smelling fresh air. I can go and think about the things bothering me, or the things I need to do, or ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!!! I can listen to my hair swish back and forth. I can look at the people in their cars and laugh thinking about what they are saying in their car after seeing me. That's right, BIG FAT PREGNANT WOMAN TRYING TO RUN! Quite a sight! But I LOVE it!!! I just want to be out in the sunshine for my 3 miles. I am thankful that I could do this both Saturday and Sunday this weekend. I makes a world of difference to me! It also makes the countdown seem faster and easier. 13 weeks to go!!!! Hopefully, this dose of Vitamin D can last me until next weekend! :-)

DECEMBER!!!

I just LOVE this time of year. I LOVE counting down the days until Christmas. I love baking and cooking and EATING all the yummy goodies! I love decorating and wrapping presents. I love thinking about how my daughter will react to her gifts. I love the time of family. I LOVE the possibility of SNOW!!  I love it all! I am so excited!
I visited my midwife last week. I FINALLY got to meet with my midwife the one who will deliver this baby, hopefully. She delivered Peyton, and she is a mom of one of my friends growing up. Anyway, I talked to her about my concerns with running and other things. I actually started running again shortly after the last post. I just slowed down, and I am running on the treadmill with no incline. It is making a huge difference. It makes me a happy camper.
I am finding many similarities and differences with my pregnancies. I am bigger sooner. I am bigger!!! I am probably bigger because I can't get enough candy this time around. I was pretty good with Peyton. Although, I have to say that I LOVED ice cream with her. I LOVE candy (esp. Reese peanut butter cups) with this one. So, I have to contribute my excess weight gain to that and TRY to cut back to only 7 pieces a day!! ha!!! Ok only 4...:-) No, I bought candy for Christmas....do you think it lasted a week???? No, but I refuse to buy more until Christmas week because I KNOW where it will end up! We shall see if I can resist!

Wants and Needs

As a teacher I have tried to teach children the difference between wants and needs many years. But now I find myself struggling with the difference. This week I found myself battling my heart and my brain for this concept. I ran on Tuesday and felt wonderful but I did not feel 100% on Wednesday. I walked on Thursday and felt great on Friday. The problem I am struggling with is ....I WANT to run, but I NEED to listen to my body. Now, for me this is difficult. I don't like to NOT be able to do something that I have been able to do for decades and plan to continue for decades. However, I also do NOT NEED to have a 24 week old baby. I also do NOT NEED to be on bed rest. So...I competed (if you want to call it that) in a race this morning WALKING the ENTIRE time. Now, I can't tell you how many times I welled up with tears, because I wanted so badly to run. But I knew that it is not about me ...it is about this little one inside me and getting it nice and plump and healthy and born in MARCH. 
Now this is not the end of my running. I am actually going to try to run on the treadmill tomorrow and see how it goes. At least I will be at home and can stop if I need to and still be at home. I go back to the midwife next week and plan to discuss my concerns. I know I am six years older with this pregnancy. I now understand how the elderly feel when your brain tells your body something and your body can't or won't listen. UGH!!!!
BUT....as I write this I think about last year at this time. I competed in the same race after having a miscarriage a few days earlier. My body was weak. my mind was weaker, and my heart was broken. I think I can handle a little lesson WANTS and NEEDS to help me remember that I am 2/3 of the way through this pregnancy and I can handle sucking it up in order to have a healthy baby!

Overdue...

NO, not me!!!! But my posting is!!!!

Things have been going well. We have been moving right along with everyday life. I recently had the chance to meet with a friend that I haven't seen FOREVER!!! Loved every minute of it!!! I also got the chance to meet with another dear friend and her kiddos just to catch up and it was SO wonderful. I can't wait until I get to meet up with them again!!! I am truly blessed with wonderful friends.
We had a wonderful and weird weekend. We got to see beautiful pictures of our HEALTHY baby!!! :-) This is one happy family! We looked away when the tech was checking all the parts. Looking forward toward the surprise in March!
We also had our first snow of the season. I can't say that I EVER remember a Halloween when we had snow. However, I hope that we have more snow and that this is not our only snow!  So we played in the snow and then carved pumpkins.

If only I could have on video...

the things that kids say....
So Peyton called her daddy the other evening to see if he was ready to go somewhere. She was talking to him in some weird gibberish and then said, "You know what that means?"

"That means thanks for building a baby in mommy's tummy!"

Needless to say we (mommy and daddy) busted out laughing at our ends of the phone.
KIDS!!!! :-)

Can't wait to see what the new one adds to our family!

Simon says....

So Peyton asked her daddy if he would play Simon says with her yesterday. So he said, "Sure." I am in the kitchen getting supper ready and I hear the normal, "Simon says, Touch your toes." All is going well. Then I hear her say, "Simon says give me 40 push ups." Matt said, "WHAT???"
I started laughing....now THAT is my kind of Simon says!!!!

Just an update...

I just liked my last post SO much. It is hard to add anything to it. Things are going well. Our girl seems to enjoy school. It is so nice to be in the same place. I believe we both go through some withdrawal though. After spending everyday with someone for 2 months it is hard to go to just seeing each other in the morning and evening. I am not complaining, just saying.
I am feeling great. I go back to the midwife next week for a check up. So we shall see. My belly is growing. It is sticking out earlier this time than with my girl. People say that happens. :-) Just happy I get to experience it. I have been telling more people. I am sure it is just a matter of time before people start to notice. :-) Getting adjusted to new sleeping positions and will long to sleep on my stomach. And most important...waiting to feel my baby move inside me. I will let you know when that happens.

I Heard the MOST WONDERFUL thing today!!!!

I have heard many WONDERFUL things in my life. To name just a few:
My parents telling me they are proud of me.
My future hubby telling me he loves me.
Him proposing to me.
Our wedding vows.
Our daughter crying for the first time just moments after she was born.
Her telling me that she loves me.
Her deep belly laughs.
The sounds of her enjoying flying back to her bedroom right before bedtime!!!
I love them all!  Here is what I heard today and I couldn't be happier!!!!
Do you know what it is?

IT'S FAIR WEEK!!!

Anyone who knows me knows that I will be very busy this week eating bad for me food from the fair this week. Taking in the animals, rides, socializing, concerts, the derby, tractor pulls, etc. Now I don't really go to all of those things but I am there and I can hear them!!! AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!!

Reflecting...

Our last week of summer vacation. It is back to work next week. I have to say that I am happy with our summer. I spent so much time with our girl. It was great. I LOVED that I didn't have to say, "Hurry up! We are going to be late!" Sigh!!! I will miss that the most. I ran in the AM with the early birds. As the summer went on it became darker and darker as we started to run. Another sign that the summer was coming to an end. Boy, have we eaten fruits and veggies. It has been great, and I will miss it. However, the fall offers apples, pumpkins, and more comfort foods. I had great days with friends. We played and talked and just enjoyed our time together with no concept of time. We did some fun projects. Which led to a lot of clean up on my part. I even got some painting done here at the house. I had a helper with this as well. This also led to more clean up. Reading....AHHHH....yeah, I am pretty sure I read 15 to 20 books this summer alone and I can say that I didn't watch a single TV show(except whatever cartoon just happened to be on). Comfortable clothes have been so nice. I just love wearing t-shirts and shorts everyday. I will miss you, summer! I will be glad when you come again. I am looking forward to soccer, going to the pumpkin patch, football games, cooler days, and watching my girl in school everyday and learning something new!!!

You know you are old when...

We went to a local parade last night. It was so nice. I wouldn't change this hometown feel for anything. Anyway, I decided that my husband and I are old because when the parade was finished the first thing we talked about was how the teenagers on the motorcycles with NO helmets were completely unsafe. We couldn't believe that they were allowed in the parade. I know ... we are OLD!!!!

Beach

As I was growing up and even as an adult I have NEVER been a beach person. I don't like sitting in the sun and just sitting and being hot. I ALWAYS eat WAY too much. I have always been a mountains type of girl. I love the woods and hikes and runs and smells of the forest. HOWEVER, it is amazing what a child can do to you. This year we went to Nags Head with two other families. Friendship is always something to consider. If you can handle living together in tight quarters and with numerous children for a week and still be friends at the end of the week!!! It was WONDERFUL!!! Everyone got along great. There is even talk about continuing to do it next year. Back to the kid thing... so our daughter LOVES the beach. Even from a little tyke she ran out to the ocean and dared it to catch her. She loves to make sand castles and play in the ocean. Of course, I am not the ocean parent. That is totally a daddy job! I don't go in water that I can't see the bottom. I have read too many stories.  She loves any chance to get us to the ocean. So I suck it up. I am certain that we will visit the ocean every summer for our girl. Although, we might convince her to go to Disney World instead. :-) Which I have found to be my all time favorite! Anyway, we do little things at the beach to make me happy. I can't sit and stare at the ocean for the whole week. So here is a picture of my two favorite people on our trip to the light house.

Never said...

I have never said that I am a fast runner. I have never said that I am good. There are tons of people out there doing MUCH better than myself. However, I just wanted to share that had my best time ever on a 5 mile race a few weeks ago. I know the temperature played a part. The rain killed the humidity and lowered the temperature 10 to 15 degrees. This race is one that I have run every year since it started. Actually, I pushed Peyton the first two years of it. So I was really slow those years, but I am not complaining. This year was even more special because it benefited my dear friend, Jason's memorial scholarship, who sadly lost his life on December 31, 2010. I think of him often and thought of him during the run. I am still putting together the pieces of why this happened to him. But it makes my heart happy to know that Jason was smiling down that day. We were all doing something that he loved and was awesome at. Anyway...I miss you, Jason. :-)

I LOVE SUMMER!!!!!

Last post I mentioned 10 things I loved about summer. Well, here is a prime example of why. It was a perfect day. The sun was hiding behind the clouds so it wasn't too hot or humid. I got to socialize while our girl played with friends and butterflies. Then we went and ate just in time for the sun to come out and go swimming. What a PERFECT day!!!!!

Peyton really enjoyed the butterflies. She said the butterflies must have thought she was their mommy because they liked her so much! (I am sure the sugar water had something to do with it.)

Top 10 Reasons I am looking forward to summer:

Summer is great for many things. I thought I would list the top 10 things I can think of.
1. Time with my girl!!!
2. Mornings without rushing!
3. Vacations!
4. Fun days with friends!
5. More daylight!
6. Reading during the day!
7. Wearing comfortable clothes everyday! Or staying in our pjs. :-)
8. Running in the early morning as the world wakes up and before it gets smokin' hot.
9. Fun projects!
10. More fresh fruits and veggies!
There are more things about summer to list but just day dreaming about these makes my day better!

Moments of growing up...

So my little bug had her tour of the school today. Boo hoo!!! It is so sad to watch these life moments happen. We had our tour and then we went to lunch to eat. She has to take her tray like a big girl. She has to carry it to the table. She did ask me to open her milk. :-) She looked SO big sitting there beside me. I wanted to cry.
Later on...
We just came from the movies (Kung Fu Panda 2) with a friend and her kids. Our girls want to sit next to each other on the end. Hey, that works for me. They will continue to do more of this as they get older. No, that didn't bother me. My heart had to smile when my little bug came to sit on my lap during the sad part of the movie. I had to savor the moments. How long will this last? When will be the last time that she will climb on my lap to save her from sadness? {SNIFF} I can only hope it will be later rather than sooner.

What a day!

Games

As I finished playing Pretty Pretty Princess last night I had to smile. This was after we played 3 rounds of Twister. Where were these games when I was growing up? I know Twister existed. But really...if I asked one of my brothers to play this with me growing up, they would have laughed in my face. We were too busy playing outside and in the woods. I don't ever remember playing many board games. I do remember playing Candy Land a handful of times. I guess I turned out okay...I think! :-)

What is to come....

So I hear this song on the radio a few months ago and I just think....WOW!!! This is cute! This woman really knows what it is like to have a teenage daughter. I smile and think I love this time now. It has its challenges, but 10 years from now will be quite a challenge. If our daughter is ANYTHING like me...and she is. We are going to be in for it. I wanted to do everything myself. I didn't need anyone's help for anything. I STILL have a hard time asking for help.
So here are the lyrics:

Martina McBride

I ain’t complainin’

But I’m tired, so I’m just sayin’

What I think

And if we’re being honest

Than honestly I think I need a drink

My baby’s growin’ up

She think’s she’s fallin’ all in love

And that I hate her

At seventeen, she’s just like me when I was seventeen

So I don’t blame her

[Bridge]

Do do do do

Do do do do

What are we gonna do?

Do do do do

Do do do do

What are we gonna do about it?

[Chorus]

Remember when we use to be

Everything they ever need

We had them believing we were cool

It’s like it happened over night

We’re always wrong, their always right

We use to be the one’s breakin’ the rules

Now we’re just mothers, we’re just fathers of

Teenage Daughters

She rolls her eye’s when I’m funny

But she’s sweet when she wants money and her freedom

Oh my god, she’s got a car

Swears they wont go far

And I wish I believed ‘em

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

Their beautiful, wild and free

Everything we wish we could be

But their still crazy

Oh you know, the make us crazy

[Chorus]

Yeah Teenage Daughters

I ain’t complainin’

But I’m just tired, so I’m sayin’

What I think

If we’re being honest

Than honestly, I think I need a drink

The chorus at the end makes me smile because a lot of days I feel that way now and I can only hope that we have the "joy" of going through these years together. Because if I have learned anything this year its that you are not guaranteed ANYTHING. So I hope and pray for us to be able to experience this. :-)

A great book...

I just read a REALLY GREAT book and found these words from it to mean SO much to me.

There’s an old Buddist story about a man who visited a Zen master, Seeking spiritual guidance. Instead of listening, however, the visitor spoke mainly of his own ideas. After a while, the master served tea. He filled the visitor’s cup, and then kept pouring as it spilled over onto the table. Surprised, the visitor exclaimed that the cup was full – and asked why he kept pouring when nothing more would fit! The master explained that like the cup, the visitor was already full of his own ideas and opinions- and that he couldn’t learn anything until his cup was emptied.

            The same thing happens when our lives are too full- of commitments, of clutter, and of nonessential stuff. We don’t have “room” for new experiences, and miss out on chances to develop ourselves and deepen our relationships. Becoming minimalists helps us remedy this. By purging the excess from our homes, our schedules, and our minds, we empty our cups- giving us infinite capacity from life, love, hopes, dreams, and copious amounts of joy.

Let's go fly a kite...

Up to the highest height

Let's go fly a kite
And send it soaring

Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear

Oh, let's go fly a kite!

It's how we play in the mud...

You need some rain boots +

 

 

 

 

 

 

water, dirt, and willing hands +

...a girlie girl and a flowered dress....

= SO MUCH FUN!!!

First time for everything....

So it has been 15 years that I have been running. AMAZING!!! The only reason why I know that is because I had to calculate it this Sunday. No matter how many years you put one foot in front of the other. You still can fall. That is exactly what I did. I twisted my left ankle on the uneven pavement and fell on my right knee. I even did it for an audience. My ankle is swollen and my knee looks terrible. I think I will survive. I also think I will be taking this week off of running. Even though I am pretty certain I am going to go crazy without it!!!!

Mornings like this...

I have always wanted to stay at home with my not so little one.  Mornings like this one makes me want to even more. With the tears welling up in her eyes and then falling silently down her beautiful little face. The only words she can get out are: "I will just miss you SO much, Mommy!"
My heart was torn out and hurting as I walked out of the door and left her in the arms of another. Tears were falling down her face. How can I fully function today?

Thinking back...

5 years ago today...I was due to have a beautiful baby. BUT she wasn't ready yet. I was huge and ready. When I went to the midwife I was only 1/2 cm dilated. UGH!!! I was done. She was not. I went onto school the next day (Friday) and class that night 4-7 and didn't want to sit through 8 hours of class on Saturday!!! She got me out of that.  :-)

NOT MUCH...

going on!
Just everyday life...
counting down the days until my baby turns FIVE!!!! I can't believe that time has passed so quickly. I am really having a hard time with this birthday. It means...school! Although, it also means saving an hour off of my total commute in a day. It also means growing up. One day closer to the days when I am not "the best."
Things I love about her: EVERYTHING!!!
The 20 or so kisses she puts all over my face just because!
The way she holds my hand just walking places.
The way that ONLY MOMMY can snuggle right with her at night.
The way she pelts out a song (usually Taylor Swift) it can either be all the right words or completely wrong but to the tune anyway.
Her strong will. I can do it. I don't need help.
But she will turn around the next minute and want me to do it.
How she is SO FULL of life.
How she rides around the house on her scooter.
How she says, "Mommy! I love you." randomly
How the only thing to wear is a dress or skirt. The more colors, flowers, and sparkles, the better!!
That princesses are her world and EVERYTHING is happily ever after.
Oh how I wish I could freeze this time in life. I look forward to who she will become in life. I look forward to seeing these things, but I just want to freeze it for a day or week or year or...

The Price of Motherhood...

sleepless night
up at the cry of "mommy"
"Stay in bed with me!"
Tossing and turning for an hour
Up for medicine
Up for "ICE" water
Up for a cool wash cloth
UGH...I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!!
Her silently putting my face in her hands, turning my head toward her, and kissing me on the lips. Then turning to go to sleep....
PRICELESS!!!!

Feels Like a Song!!!

I don't want a slow sad song today! I want to be a peppy song. So here it is! 

Wildflower by Jane Dear Girls
Mmm, yeah
Yeah, yeah

I was born off an old dirt road 40 acre farm
No highway, no interstate
And i drive an old rusted out Chevrolet
The boys all rubberneck while their out makin' hay

Hey, I'm a wildflower, growin in the sunshine
Soakin up the way of life i was raised in
Runnin barefoot, bloomin in a summer shower
Ponytail dancin', I can't help it, I'm a wildflower

Ooh, yeah
Ooh, yeah

There's a little cotton dress hangin in my sisters closet
I think I'm gonna borrow it and wear it this weekend
Painted my toes, bought some cherry lip gloss
No rose, no daisy, touch what I got

Yeah
Hey, I'm a wildflower, growin in the sunshine
Soakin up the way of life i was raised in
Runnin barefoot, bloomin in a summer shower
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Ponytail dancin', I can't help it, im a wildflower

Ooh, yeah
Ooh, yeah

I'm just a girl
Needs a little sun, a little rain
An open field to play

Hey, I'm a wildflower, growin in the sunshine
Soakin up the way of life i was raised in
Runnin barefoot, bloomin in a summer shower
Ponytail dancin', I can't help it, im a wildflower

Hey, I'm a wildflower, growin in the sunshine
Soakin up the way of life i was raised in
Runnin barefoot, bloomin in a summer shower
Ponytail dancin', I can't help it, im a wildflower

Ooh, yeah
Ooh, yeah
I'm a wildflower
 

Have a great one!!!

Teachers...

come in all shapes and sizes. They don't have to go to school to "teach" a skill or concept. I LOVE listening to my hubby teach our girl something. It may not be the way I would do it. It may not be the way teachers are encouraged to work with students, but it still works. Our daughter asked, "What does a J look like again?" I can't remember his answer now but it wasn't how I would have said it. However, she still got it. She asked, "What does this word mean?" I may use a different way to explain it but she gets it. One thing I know...I smile every time he takes the time to explain something to her. What a great daddy!!!!

Jumping for joy!!! Literally!!!

Picture this....
I am taking off my coat at school yesterday morning only to find my necklace chain dangling from my neck. My heart dropped! Oh no! Just shy of five years ago it was given to me as my "push" gift from my wonderful hubby! Come on, I thought...give me something good! But I felt horrible in a way worrying about an object. An object is nothing compared to a person! So began my mission to retrace my steps...

*Keep in mind there was a  dusting of snow yesterday morning!!!
Here is my lone necklace without the pendant!!!

Did I find it in my coat and sweater?
NOPE
Did I find it in the bathroom after stripping down and shaking?
NOPE
Did I find it in the hallway?
NOPE
Did I find it in the office where I stood and talked?
NOPE
Did I find it in the spot where I stood in the freezing cold for bus duty for 25 minutes jumping up and down?
NOPE
Did I find it in my path to the car?
NOPE
Did I find it in the car?
NOPE
Did I find it at the sitters?
NOPE
Did I find it at the house after dust mopping the floors?
NOPE
Did I find it on my path to the kennel or in the GRASS chasing the dog?
NOPE
Did the custodian find it on the floor last night?
NOPE
Well...where could it be?
Did I find it at the dump where I stopped yesterday morning to drop off some recycling?
YES!!!! There is was this AM on the concrete right beside the huge metal recycling bins, upside down, like this, in the snow!!! Needless to say, I was the happiest person at the dump (the only person at 7 AM) but anyway!!! What are the chances? It is not scratched from cars or feet! There is was! Finally, I was SO excited I jumped for joy!

  Just a material thing but has great sentimental value!!!

 

In case you were wondering....

...what a princess...

...wears!!!

Trying...

I have been thinking about the new year coming and going this year. I have had a "other" things on my mind. Every year people make resolutions and by March they are done (those usually dealing with weight). I would love to change many things that I do. I would love to get better at so much, but I think I will save those things for when I am older and wiser. :-) Right now...my biggest regret is not getting pictures at Christmas. I did it at my parents and my in laws but not where I should have. No one could have known tragedy would hit so soon after, but I could have taken a picture. So, I am going to TRY to just take random pictures of life. I don't want to say for everyday. But I will try as often as I can. I guess we will see how this goes. Hopefully, I will continue through the year. One can only hope. Maybe I will have time to post a pic tonight.

I don't know what to say...

You know life is supposed to be happy. We have all had bumps. We take a step back and then charge back into life. But I just don't want to charge back into it. It seems that every time that I do lately a bigger bump is thrown in my way. This is all talk, because I am going to keep going. I am going to keep on doing what I have been doing. I just feel like I need to wake up from this TERRIBLE dream. I just want to WAKE up!!!! Thank goodness for the little one that we have. She has to have her needs met. Since I am the mommy, I guess I have to do that. All three of us have been grieving for days. I am tired of crying. I am tired of staring off into space wondering about this or that. I am tired at looking at my plans (plan book, grocery list, budget, etc) and finding nothing coming out of my brain. I want to wake up tomorrow with joy in my heart, but I don't think that will happen. It won't happen tomorrow or the next day.....but I am still holding out for soon!!!!